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| On Guard For You 247 |
| Le Syndicat canadien des communications, de l’energie et du papier |
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| Privacy Policy |
Ten Best Things to Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time
management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in
time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a
new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are
you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest
problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. " ... In Jesus' name. Amen."
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time
management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in
time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a
new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are
you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest
problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. " ... In Jesus' name. Amen."
Two Minute Management Course....
LESSON ONE:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
MANAGEMENT LESSON :
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
_________________________
LESSON TWO:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you
nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at
the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.
MANAGEMENT LESSON:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
_________________________
LESSON THREE:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to
the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
MANAGEMENT LESSON:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS YOUR TWO MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
LESSON ONE:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
MANAGEMENT LESSON :
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
_________________________
LESSON TWO:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you
nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at
the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.
MANAGEMENT LESSON:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
_________________________
LESSON THREE:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to
the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
MANAGEMENT LESSON:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS YOUR TWO MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
The Night Watchman
Once upon a time the Canadian Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of
nowhere.
The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they
created a night watchman position and hired a person, (bilingual, naturally) for the
job.
Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write
the job description and one person to do time studies.
Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the
tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people;
one to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created
the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more
people to assist.
Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they
created an administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer,
an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary.
Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one
year and we are $25,000 over budget; we must cutback our overall costs."
So they laid off the night watchman !
Once upon a time the Canadian Government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of
nowhere.
The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrap yard at night." So they
created a night watchman position and hired a person, (bilingual, naturally) for the
job.
Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write
the job description and one person to do time studies.
Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the
tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people;
one to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created
the following positions: a Time Keeper and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more
people to assist.
Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they
created an administrative Section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer,
an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary.
Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one
year and we are $25,000 over budget; we must cutback our overall costs."
So they laid off the night watchman !
| CEP/SCEP 247 Ontario - Quebec - Atlantic Canada |
